It had nothing to do with you

How can I make that more clear

I don’t remember losing you

Early in spring that year

We were sent off

Whether we liked it or not

I don’t remember the last time I saw you

But your hair was long and blonde

And your shape was like a little plum

Cause you hadn’t yet grown tall

We were sent off

Whether we liked it or not

Cute chubby kid

That hated to swim

Remember when I pushed you in

You were surprised that you floated

Are we ok?

Are we afraid?

A river running inside of me

Of all the unknown along the way

Joni’s playing in the car on a highway

Saw a man driving with his front window smashed in

He was swerving with the wind and its guidance

If he felt loved would he be doing this?

We don’t know where we are going

I wanna be fine with not knowing darling

Can my home be here inside of me

Even when I’m on the other side of where I wanna be

What I wanna see in myself

Can't ask nobody else to find

I am the day

Freer than I ever felt before

We don’t know where we are going

I wanna be fine with not knowing darling

Can my home be here inside of me

Even when I’m on the other side of where I wanna be

He came in

Like a winner

Strong and slim

Trophies in his grin

I can see him taking wind

Of what it would be like

To lie with me

He came in

Like a sinner

Small and grim

Trophies to the wind

He can see me wonderin’

Of what it has been like

To lie to me

This winter

To not come home to me

This winter

To grow cold towards me

This winter

To feel annoyed of me

This winter

Can you take me higher

There is nothing finer

Feel my desire

Our love is my fire

Can you take me higher

There was nothing finer

In me there’s desire

Our love was my fire

I’m so glad I was upstairs painting my new room

Everything is changing

And it feels so right this time

Throwing debris off the balcony

Everything is lightness as it falls down so slow

Wood hitting the ground

Nails into the soil

The grass is bleeding

Give it a bodybag of snow

The sun's digress is my room's darkness

Now I’m lying on the carpet

In your arms I have been found

See that pole jutting out of the corner

Sometimes I wanna tie my neck up

Let my limp limbs dangle down

My heart is open not yet broken

And it feels so right this time

I’m so glad I was upstairs painting my new room

Everything is changing

And it feels so right this time

Throwing debris off the balcony

Everything is lightness as it falls down so slow

Wood hitting the ground

Nails into the soil

The grass is bleeding

Give it a bodybag of snow

The sun's digress is my room's darkness

Now I’m lying on the carpet

In your arms I have been found

Don’t take back what you said

Don’t take back what you said

Don’t take back what you said

Don’t take back what you said

Don’t take back what you said

Don’t take back what you said

Don’t take back what you said

Don’t take back what you said

I’ll be yours instead in my head

I’ll be yours instead

The days assemble

What do I see

A river running inside of me

Some have waded and many more will

We laid on the bank and had our fill

Still my mind lingers there on that day

When we rolled around and you touched me your way

The years assemble

What do I see

A cloud of memories above me

Of friends and lovers some turned enemies

I forgive them all

I hope they’ll forgive me

Still my mind lingers there on that day

When she stormed my room and she slapped you her way

The hardest part is letting go

Take me by the hand

Will you guide me through this phase

Of not really knowing where I am

Or knowing who I am

I could think of it as

I gave all my best in loving you

But I know it’s not true

It’s just my way of getting through

We experience the love that we think we deserve

And I guess I thought

I didn’t need much from this world

So I left you

But you’re exactly what I like

I will give you my whole life

Mmmm you taste so nice

Oh this feels so right

Take me by the throat

Will you push me up against this wall

And spit all your hurt on me

So I can feel my reach

I have these dreams

Of you laying it on me

We experience the love that we think we deserve

And I guess I thought

I didn’t need much from this world

So I left you

But you’re exactly what I like

I will give you my whole life

Mmmm you taste so nice

Oh this feels so right

We can’t explain why

We hurt the ones we love most of all

Deep in the iris

You see a place of hope again

See me running

It’s a race

Through the sunlight of the mind

See me running

Towards that sunny

Often muddy

Crowded side

There is laughter

Some disaster

My Step Brother

His blonde hair

His Blood father

He’s a bother

When the coast is clear

I will find a way

I will leave this place

Always sneaking

Lonely peaking

At what is not his to share

So I push him

Off a cushion

Firmly put

He starts to swear

There is laughter

Some disaster

My Step Brother

On the stairs

Touch me so young

Make it seem fun

Take everything

You don’t care

I will find a way

I will leave this place

See me running

It’s a race

Sunlight cast upon my face

See me running

From the place

Where I thought I could hide

See me running

It’s a race

All our friends see our disgrace

See me running

It’s a race

Through the sunlight of the mind

Sit down with emotion

Take the time to feel it

Like a cloud cross the mind

Never holding onto

Let it all just billow by

Spun around till I fell down

I’m not looking for a pick up

Mess up

I want to love myself

Out in the field

I’m kissed by the sun

Away from everyone

I want to catch my breath

I’ve been throwing it out all in bouts

Speaking of empty things

Just to fill the air

To not hear my ears ring

I want to find myself

Down the road I go for a walk

Say hi to passers by

They wave back at me

I feel like somebody

I want to make a nest

I’ve been on the road without house

On my phone too much

To try and feel in touch

With those I don’t see enough

And that I’ll be happy when

This happens or that becomes

Or it is finished and I am done

Oh what an idea

Spun around till I fell down

Blood upon my knees

As I kneel now

And I’ll be happy when

It’s not like I’m feeling much different

Than a woman my age

Years ago

Liberated is what you wanna call it

How about unfairly choked

Cause I know some just see my body

And every girl I know at some point stopped eating

I am not a man hater

I enjoy them like cake

But in my position

I’m the slut

I’m the bitch

I’m the whore

The one you hate

And there’s a name for this kind of man

A soft one at that

Womanizer

Casanova

Lothario

For us it’s just a stamp to the head

For them another notch in the bed

It’s like I’m wearing red

And if I am

You feel you’ve the right to touch me

Cause I asked for it

In my little mini skirt

Think you can have it

My little mini skirt

It’s mine all mine

I know what it’s like

To have everything

Taken away from me and my family

For there was once a man

Proposing to love all of us

Instead he is full of hate

Towards himself

Towards his bait

And everything he touches is for him

My mother’s soul he devours with a grin

And when she finds out

The child he has taken

Confronts him

Stakes him

Breaks him

All our boxes on the lawn

Woman shelter for 9 months

Cross the street to the church

Pray confusedly about what hurts

Enough to start

A new beginning for us both

I thank you Canada

Thank you Canada

We are all going

Going

Never knowing

What we had

Until it’s gone

It’s my little mini skirt

Think you can have it

My little mini skirt

It’s mine all mine

Getting Tired

Of the want to just be with you

It breaks my heart

How alone am I

While sitting alone in this room

The Room and I

Maybe I could laugh

A little at my long and pouted mouth

A weighted grin

It is winter now

I must prepare for all

I cannot bear Myself

My mind

Ha ha ha

Laugh a little

Ha ha ha

You’re so brittle

In the car ride home

My hands like little clams

So moist and cold

The grey window

So at peace am I

While driving across the water’s folds

It’s you I want to hold

Fighting sadness

Of the want to just tell the truth

I’m sweating fibs

Tears glistening and round

Along the turned down corners of my mouth

Feel like I have drowned

Ha ha ha

Laugh a little

Ha ha ha

You’re so brittle

Make believe that I can see you with myself

Do the kind of things I want from no one else

There’s you and there’s me

And we both go together easily

Pick up you can start over

No need to wait till the next morning comes

Felt like I messed up already

Watched some porn

And surfed till my eyes got sore again

Now I’m feeling gross and choked

Like everything I don’t wanna be a part of

The girls with balloons

The men with batons

Shoving it hard

Two people being porn stars

Make believe that I am in touch with myself

Do the kind of things I watched from someone else

There’s you and there’s me

And we both go together easily

Pick up you can start over

No need to wait till the next morning comes

Felt like I messed up already

Watched some porn

And surfed till my eyes got sore again

And now I’m feeling gross and choked

Like everything I don’t wanna be a part of

The girls with balloons

The men with batons

Shoving it hard

Two people being porn stars

Would I wanna look into my back yard and see this

But I’ll watch it in my room

Have my screen receive it

Then go for a walk

To the store and get

Some flowers and milk

And a single cigarette

Cause I know the man who works behind the counter

I don’t really want to fall in love again

The laying of cold flowers

Offered by Fate your friend

See

When your darling greets you

With tears streaming down their face

Getting on their knees

I miss you

Well

We all die anyways

So what’s the bad with being alone

While we’re living

Why the sorrow and the groan

Of curling up with a stuffy

That lives long after you do

Named my bundles of cotton

Piggy, Tishan and Bunny Rose

They wait for me to come home

To lie upon my throne

I don’t really want to give myself again

The act of being naked in front of a friend

See

When their eyes digress from their softer

Pure place

Their smile taking form from the thirstiness

They so often hid away

So what’s the bad with being alone

While we’re living

I don’t want to aimlessly throw

My love around like it’s nothing

Maybe I could just have a dog

Whose fur is soft like the sunshine

I’ll name him Lanion Leon Snow

He waits for me to come home

To lie upon my throne

Spent our time

In an apartment

Growing exhausted

A beheaded sun king

Who hadn’t come out since

The first white fell

Upon the balcony

Where before we would melt

Flock of three

Pigeons hatching

I considered cracking

Their eggs from our house

Instead we watched them grow

Fed them in a row

Sweet avoidance

For what we already know

That we feel like giving up

Why’s there so much trouble

Go and lay under another

Feels warm like summer

I knocked my tooth out on a swing

So high and not realizing

The come down it would bring

My eyes go running like a fountain

Cause I feel like giving up

Why’s there so much trouble

Go and lay under another

Feels warm like summer

You and I

Fall away

Sway my fate

Deciding we are friends

It’s over now

It’s over

So nice to think of when

We slept in the same bed

I wake up on my side

With you still on my mind

Kneel down again

To what’s no longer mine

If you ever wonder now

Know you’re always in my heart

There is no end

There is no start

Because you’re always in my heart

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